Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
