i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
