You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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