So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
