a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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