My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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