she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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