My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
