How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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