omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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