There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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