another moral hangover. fuck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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