Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
