The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
