Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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