I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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