i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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