There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
