You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
