The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
