it hurts more in the daytime
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
