a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
