I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
