Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize