Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
