:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
