Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
