shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
