I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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