sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
