I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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