apparently the secret to your success is patron
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
