i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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