Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Boobs speak an international language.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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