I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
