Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
NoShamevember. You game?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
