and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
