did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
