I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
