I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
