You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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