Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
