I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
