he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
