Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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