Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
