I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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