There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
