I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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