making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
