I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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