I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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