I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
