Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
