I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize