There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She just used a chaser for red wine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
