It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
