I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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