how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
