I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
