How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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