he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting married
To pizza
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
