i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I sprained my soul last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
