Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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