how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
