Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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