my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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