"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
