Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
