im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found puke in my bra..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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