dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
