Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
