he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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