to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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