Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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