we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
