I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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