using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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