in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
