Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
